I feel friggin fucked up right now. I can't control my emotions, I don't know why. I don't know why you don't understand after what I told you.
Before we were together, I told myself that maybe, maybe things will be different after we're together. Because after all, we're still friends, what's there to commit right? But just now you asked me what happen, after I told you your mood changed instantly. Not calm, not calm at all.
Why won't you understand things.. You said give & take didn't you. I tried to give, tried to understand, I don't feel it back. I'm kinda surprised that you'd show me attitude. In fact, I'm shocked. Never in my life have I imagined that you would give me attitude, you'd be mean to me.
I'm not a guy.. I didn't know you would quarrel with me. I didn't know you wouldn't give way to me. I didn't know..
Sometimes I feel that we're so different.. So different from other couples. Different perspective, yes that's a listening barrier. Maybe that's why you could listen, but only half of what I meant would sink in.
I really am trying to understand you. But who'll understand me? I don't wanna keep guessing & guessing. I don't want to.
GG's right after all. There's heartaches, heartbreaks. It's fucking hurtful. I wanna cry.
♥ Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Today is a tiring day despite it was a short day at sch.
In sch, I was so damn tired.
Stoning arnd if not doing some work.
Just to keep my mind away from things.
After sch met up with sher.
Den basil came along for awhile lo.
People do change.
But sometimes the timing is wrong.
I'm gonna work harder to make myself tired.
I still can feel the pain.
Slept at 2 ytd however i still cant stop thinking of you.
When sher and basil went off, I started thinking of things again.
Tell me how to stop.
How to forget can?
I really dontnoe wad i'm trying to do.
Homework are really piling.
Spa coming on thur.
Eom due nxt fri.
Promos coming.
And I dont sense the urgency at all.
Maybe I no longer feel anything for everything.
Just numb.
Sher was right.
Wad's the pt of writing in the bk when i no longer have you.
Why didnt I treasure things more when I have you.
I nvr changed.
I still take things for granted.
I only have myself to blame for everything.
♥ Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thanks to some ppl who cheer me up today.
Emeline! Tt crazy dinosaur!
I'm gonna watch fated to love you faster den you!
I'm fast okies?
Now at ep 10. I only started on FRI!
YuanHe. Thks i noe you're trying hard.
But no i dont need anyone to be a substitute.
Cuz you'll nvr be.
No one can replace him. Nvr ever.
I'm sorrys.
But if you ever mention it again.
We wont be even friends anymore.
Hope to go out with you soon!
Dont even noe how you look like.
Lols. You say wanna go dou feng for very long liaos.
Hais. Wait till I got mood barhs.
I just wanna coop up at home.
Be in my rm and infront of com for 24 hrs.
Sorrys to sher!
For my last min backout for our meeting.
I'm sorrys.
To you. I noe you're stressed up and all tt.
But I believe you can do it.
You really can.
To myself, today is the last day for you to be like tt.
Tmr pls buck up and do study.
Waste 4days already.
I will study hard.
My promise to you still exist in me.
I hope you'll be happy.
I hope to be ur angel forever.
Even if you dont feel my existence.
I dontmind anymore.
You being happy is the most impt thing to me.
I finally slept. For afew hours.
Just woke up and looked at the time.
Its just different.
If things didnt change, we'll be tgt now.
But I guess tt will not happen anymore.
I wont even get to see you.
For now, I really dontnoe wad I shld do.
For the rest of the day, I guess it'll be spent on just thinking of you.
I cant do anything else.
I dont wish to.
I dontwant anything else in my life.
Cuz I dont need it and nth is as impt as you.
Met sher at hg mall mac today to study.
Not very productive though.
My mind was not into it at all.
Flipping thru my chem notes like they are blank pieces of paper.
Andy was dere. And another guy called chee siang.
If I didnt spell wrongly. -.-
Anyways i dontnoe if it's a joke.
But pls do stop 'recommending' guys.
Stuff like tt really piss me off.
I will fan lian de.
Even if it meant to be a joke.
I'm not in mood for it.
Went to greatgrandma hse.
Thot I could study dere.
But failed terribly.
I was looking at my phone.
All the time.
Hoping for it to happen but it nvr.
So I went to slp.. Listening to some emo songs.
Couldnt slp and got up after an hour.
Not time to go home yet.
So i was stoning with my phone beside me all the time.
I've got too much time to spare w/out ur sms.
I'm not used to it.
Maybe it makes no difference to ur life.
I cant stop thinking bout you all day long.
Really cant.
I cant stop thinking wad happened between us.
I noe its my fault.
I really regret everything.
Wad's the use of thinking bout it.
I noe its no pt thinking of it but i cant stop.
I will just continue to think in tt way and keep a little hope.
Even if it will nvr happen.
I choose to lie to myself.
We're supposed to meet today.
But I guessed I'll nvr see you anymore.
♥ Saturday, August 22, 2009
I will bear with the pain.
It is worth it. I know it will.
I just got to get myself busy with work all the time to stop myself from thinking.
Yes you're right. At least for now tt's wad I shld do.
Wad is mine will always be.
I hope so.
I really do hope..
Got to try to slp.
I really have to get some rest if I wanna keep myself busy with work.
Work hard to fall aslp barhs.
And tries to forget some of my pain.
♥ Friday, August 21, 2009
Ger needs some help.
I really dontnoe wad to do.
I cant stop thinking bout the past and him.
I really miss those times.
I noe it wont be back anymore.
I dontnoe how long will I take to forget everything.
But the more I think bout it, the thot of giving up everything comes back.
Life has lost its meaning for me.
I hope he'll be happy.
I mean it.
I just hope to leave dis world asap to spare me from dis misery.
I miss him.
Miss us being tgt.
Every single thing.
I noe you wont think bout it anymore.
Cuz you dont feel a thing.
Every little things we had tgt means a great loads to me.
Maybe I shld be contented with it now..
I dontnoe.
Things are different w/out you.
Maybe we're not fated to be tgt from the start.
Everything from ytd still haunts me.
I cant forget it..
I really hope time can turn back..
All I need is a last chance.
Didnt go to sch today.
Not well and I dont have the mood to do anything.
Yah I'm silly wadever you may think.
But I just dont see the pt in life now.
Wasting time away..
Ya tt's wad I'm trying to do.
Hmm ya promos.
Maybe tt is the only thing.
But I have to do it well cuz I have to.
Do I have a choice?!
I just wanna stay at home hug my precious wadever i go.
Cant go out cuz its raining.
Sometimes I just think tt everything is a prank.
Things can change so fast w/out any chances to go back anymore.
I really just hope you'll be happy.
Tt's all I ask for.
♥ Thursday, August 20, 2009
Over le..
Life carries on.
I dontnoe how.
But it will.
Numb. That's wad i feel.
Disastrous life.
I DONTWANT ANYTHING!
I want you back.
Its impossible.
You dont love me.
Not anymore.
Tell me wad i shld do.
I dontnoe.
I shld just rot and die.
I've wasted the whole afternoon thinking.
Nothing.
I dontnoe where i'm heading for.
Wad i shld do in life.
As good as dead.
Yes tt describes me best.
This time everything will really end.
No more turning back for us anymore.
I really regret it.
Why did I say some stupid stuff?
Why did I even treat you so coldly?
I did it on purpose.
Hais I asked for it. Yes I do.
Life is meaningless.
Everyone should just give up talking to me.
Cuz I cfm you'll just shorten ur life.
I dont see the pt tt i'm supposed to see.
I only noe my life now has no goals anymore.
I dontwant anything.
Nothing is important to me.
So dying should be the best way out.
The best solution I've ever thot of.
I'm just a 'human' without any feelings now.
♥ Saturday, August 8, 2009
Hees I had a great time ytd! :D
It was clem's bday on thur! o6 august!
Hahahas he old liaos..
OLD OLD UNCLE!
MUHAHAS! =p
Anw we went out to celebrate ytd.
Went to vivo lo..
I'm happy tt dear like the present.
Hahas very crazy lo..
Sweeeettttts :D
We went to eat at some place at habourfront centre den walk arnd..
Den dear remind me like i've forgot something..
Yesyes! His bday cake..
Hahahas.
Den we got one den went out to the outdoors area to celebrate lo.
After tt we went to watch UP!
Very cuteeee!
Den we slack arnd till mommy come.
& dear ran away. LOL!
Dear.. I'm sorry.
For making you throw tt pic away.
I love you.
I want you to be happy forever and ever.
I want to stay by you.
Anw photos will be updated in fb as requested from the bday boy! :D
